


The Almost Elopement of Jane and Thor

by TrivialPursuit



Series: Triviaglass Avengers 'Verse [2]
Category: The Avengers (2012), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-21
Updated: 2013-03-21
Packaged: 2017-12-05 23:11:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,865
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/728975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrivialPursuit/pseuds/TrivialPursuit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post- Stark wedding, Jane and Thor decide to have a nice quiet wedding. Easier said than done with Trickster Loki in the family...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Almost Elopement of Jane and Thor

**Author's Note:**

> Written with the incomparably wonderful glassfacet, who, unfortunately, does not yet have an account on this site.

Jane Foster had always wanted a quiet wedding, especially after the debacle that was the Potts-Stark wedding which had left Central Park in shambles. So when she and Thor decided to get married, they chose to hold it in Puente Antiguo and they just wouldn't have anyone but Darcy and Erik Selvig in attendance. Darcy had made sure that none of the Avengers knew they were even getting married due to a fantastic relationship with JARVIS that made Tony jealous. So here they were, standing in the Justice of the Peace's office in the Middle-of-Nowhere, New Mexico. Thor in his armour, making the Justice very nervous; Erik in a suit and tie, for once; Darcy in the thoroughly dry-cleaned bridesmaid dress she'd worn to the Stark wedding (She claimed it had good juju, though how much of this had to do with what she and a certain archer got up to after the ceremony Jane wasn't quite sure); and Jane in her mother's wedding dress.

The elopement and wedding had almost gone off without a hitch. They had just gotten to the 'I do' bit when the door burst open and there stood a man in gold armour and an eyepatch. The man with the eyepatch was backed by a woman wearing a spangly dress and crown, as well as Thor's friends: Sif, Fandral, Hogun, and Volstagg. The poor Justice of the Peace promptly fainted from the stress of having what seemed like an entire Renaissance Fair in his office. On the whole Jane believed she acted quite well under the circumstances.

'Holy fuck! Jesus Archibald Christ! Oh my god, I'm going to die!' She clutched Darcy's arm and shut her eyes.

'Oh Boss Lady, I think it's gonna be much worse than that.' Her assistant muttered under her breath. She opened her eyes.

Frigga started to do the weird whisper-scream thing that only parents can do, saying something about 'Patriotic duty', 'Filial pride', 'Running and hiding like a little child', and 'For God's sake, being responsible.'

'What I'm pretty sure your mother is trying to say is: How dare you deprive us of an excuse to feast and make merry.' Fandral cut in, a large grin adorning his face.

'We need an excuse to make merry?' Volstagg looked stunned at the thought.

'After my son Loki's disobedience, we need all the excuses we can get,' Odin sighed. 'And speaking of Loki, I must thank him when we return. It was he who told us of your nuptials.'

'How did Loki find out?' asked Jane. 'We didn't tell anyone!'

'We stopped asking a long time ago,' Thor informed her. 'Loki doesn't tell anyway, and it's safer for one's sanity not knowing about his information collecting system.'

'And we couldn't stop him even if we did know,' said Frigga. 'So all in all it's better not knowing.'

'That is besides the point,' said Odin. 'I have already commanded the kitchens to begin preparing your wedding feast.'

'You really didn't have to-' began Jane. A cloud of dust announced the arrival of the Starks, Steve, Bruce, Natasha, and- to Darcy's joy- Clint.

'We just got a random message,' said Tony, 'saying that you were getting married.'

'Why didn't you tell us?' asked Pepper. 'I could have been your matron of honour!'

'Uh, that's my job,' said Darcy, surfacing briefly from her passionate reunion with Clint to defend herself. Pepper cheerfully ignored her.

'Well, the more the merrier,' said Odin. 'We shall return to Asgard at once and begin the celebrations!' Jane's face started doing an alarming facial tic at the thought.

'So, King Eyepatch Man, what does an Asgardian wedding ceremony entail?' Jane winced at her assistant's nickname for her (hopefully) future father-in-law. Said assistant, however, didn't seem to care a jot at that moment for her employer's marital prospects at that point. Her lipstick was smeared across Clint's face and they were both grinning like fools.

'The traditional feasting, a few rituals. I believe that is on par with Midgardian customs, no?' Darcy nodded and Jane felt the sickening feeling in her stomach lessen.

'Okay then, let's get this show on the road!' Tony clapped his hands and looked expectantly at Odin.

'Heimdall, open the Bifrost!' Odin commanded the sky in a loud, booming voice.

A large tunnel that Jane would have been completely fascinated by in any other circumstance appeared out of the sky. Thor wrapped his arms around her and jumped into what the 'science-y' part of her brain still referred to as the Einstein-Rosen Bridge.

It felt like every atom in her being was being ripped apart and reassembled repeatedly. After this was all over she'd have to investigate this further.

The little group arrived in a golden dome with an exceptionally tall and slightly frightening man standing in the middle holding a sword that was a little too large for Jane's liking (She had not yet totally dispensed with the idea that they were going to kill her). It appeared she was not the only one feeling negative after-effects of the Bifrost. Steve was carefully feeling his facial features to make sure he suddenly didn't have an ear where his nose was supposed to be or lips for eyebrows or the like. Erik was retching; Clint was breathing deeply through his nose and rubbing Darcy's back, while she was bent over with her hands on her knees. Oddly, Natasha and Bruce seemed to have suffered few ill-effects. They were both upright and breathing normally, and nary a hair had shifted from when they went into the Bifrost. Even more oddly however, was that Pepper - composed, classy, unflappable, perfect Pepper - was bent over, puking. Tony was fussing over her like a mother hen, rubbing her back, stroking her hair, and just generally being the really sweet guy that he hated for anyone to see.

'Pep, are you okay?' Tony sounded like he was about to have a heart attack.

'Yeah, I'll be fine in a few minutes, but I don't think the baby liked that Bi-whatever.' Pepper was taking deep breaths through her nose and resting a hand protectively on her stomach.

'Oh, okay- wait, baby?'

'Surprise, sweetie?' Pepper smiled weakly, some of the colour returning to her face.

'Why didn't you tell me?' Tony looked like he couldn't decide whether to be ecstatic or terrified and so his face was contorting into an odd combination of the two that mostly made him look kind of like The Scream.

'I'd just got the results back when we got that text about Jane and Thor. I just kind of forgot until now with the excitement of it all.'

'You forgot about the fact that you were carrying my progeny in your uterus? The next Stark heir, and you forgot?' Tony seemed to have decided on delighted as he was grinning from ear to ear and wrapping his arms protectively around his wife.

'Ah, well, thanks for at least not claiming ownership of my uterus.' Pepper smirked dryly, though Jane could tell she was pleased.

'Felicitations, Man of Iron and Lady Pepper! This glorious news brings a time of great celebration.' Thor's voice boomed and bounced around the orb-like room.

'Holy shit.' The Stark-Potts' mini celebration was interrupted by Bruce's exclamation. He was standing in the door of the Bifrost staring out onto the 'Rainbow Bridge' (At this moment Jane's brain- Science-y or not- couldn't come up with a better descriptor). A golden city, all turrets and towers, was visible at the end of the bridge with a giant black abyss on either side. Staring into the unending blackness sent an unwelcome chill down Jane's spine that she had difficulty shrugging off. Thor wrapped his arms around Jane, drawing away from her thoughts, and suddenly wind was rushing past her face and goddammit she was flying. Jane Foster totally loved her boyfriend. Seriously, and it wasn't just the so-good-it-should-be-illegal body or the godly powers, she legitimately loved him. Even if his family was a whole new level of crazy and would need decades of family counseling just to crack the surface of their problems. Jane let out a very un-Jane-like whoop of glee. She totally fucking loved her life.

All too soon Thor stopped at the doors to an immense palace. The doors were probably taller than the Empire State Building and a gleaming gold that would have made Auric Goldfinger pass out of desire. Her fiancé knocked and the gates swung open. Thor held her hand as he led her up the streets of his hometown, pointing out various sights to her and carefully matching his pace to her own. The streets were lined with Asgardians who weren't trying at all not to intimidate the little mortal Midgardian girl. Jane could see the faint outlines of her friends and their escorts when she turned back and she felt (slightly) sorry for leaving them behind to walk the whole way. Fortunately for them, however, they appeared next to Jane and Thor a few moments later and the whole party continued up the path. Jane was pretty sure she could hear Darcy singing We're Off To See The Wizard under her breath.

At the steps of the palace they were met by a woman who could make Natasha feel insecure about her self-image. She was tall, blonde, athletically statuesque, and completely flawless. Jane felt like she was about to burst into tears when Thor and the woman embraced like old friends.

'Thor, my darling, it has been far too long.' The woman's Cupid's bow lips were pulled into an unintentionally seductive smile. Jane was sure that if she looked at herself in the mirror there would be steam pouring out of her ears.

'Freyja, you are right it has been too long. I would like you to meet my beloved, Lady Jane Foster.' Thor tucked Jane protectively under his arm and she felt some the insecurity melt away.

'Thor release the girl, I must ready your beloved for her wedding. I will not steal her; doing so is quite vulgar, I am over that phase.' Thor and Freyja shared a laugh at a private joke. 'Come along Lady Jane and friends.' All the women but Natasha, who was clinging onto Bruce's arm, followed.

'I see you Miss Romanova, come along now.' Natasha reluctantly let go of the Doctor's arm and slunk behind the rest of the women, mumbling something about 'Thirty lashes with wet bamboo', 'Romanced by some bosomy Amazon', and a couple of things in Russian that made Clint wince.

They walked down a long passage lined with golden torches until they reached a large arched door. Freyja waved the other women in was a flick of her fingers but held Jane back with an arm.

'I've know Thor as long as he's been alive, so I can safely tell you I've never seen him happier than he is when he's with you. I am not sure if you are aware of this, but on Midgard I am not only worshipped as the goddess of love but as that of war. If you hurt Thor I will find you and you will understand exactly why this is. Do we understand each other perfectly?'

'Crystal.' They walked into the room together and Freyja immediately got down to business. She looked distastefully at Darcy's dress. 'My dear girl, what is that you're wearing?'

'It's from the last wedding we went to. I thought it would be silly to waste money on another one when it's just going to get ruined.' Darcy said pragmatically.

'Thank you Darcy for your heartwarming faith in my ability not to have a wedding that ends in the total destruction of Central Park.' Jane said dryly.

'Hey!' This from Pepper, 'That had nothing to do with my wedding planning skills and everything to do with who I was marrying. If I just married some normal genius billionaire playboy philanthropist I would of had a completely normal, non-tentacled wedding.'

'Very true.'

'Lady Jane, please sit back in this chair.' Freyja gestured to a rather innocuous hairdresser-type chair. Darcy and Natasha were herded off to one side by Freyja's assistants and Pepper gracefully took a seat on the other. The Asgardian proceeded to poke and pull at Jane for nigh on five hours. The scientist kept her eyes squeezed shut except when there was absolutely necessary. She was changed into several outfits, giving her the distinct feeling of being rather like a doll or a small child unable to dress herself.

When Dr Jane Foster was finally shoved from the chair and in front of a large mirror and instructed to open her eyes she had to pinch herself several times to make sure it was in fact she, Jane Foster, standing there and not some convoluted Asgardian body double.

She looked beautiful.

Her normally plain, straight brown hair had been brushed and curled, and it looked like some of her honey-gold highlights had been deliberately brought out. A gold diadem held her hair back from her face and white ribbons held the ringlets at the crown of her head. Her eyes were made to look larger with hints of makeup so well-applied that it didn't look like she was wearing any at all. Her white, floor-length gown was embroidered with gold, and fell off her shoulders. The sleeves stopped at her elbows and were open; they draped beautifully. Gold drops dangled from her ears, and gold bangles chimed on her wrists.

'You look like Anastasia,' joked Darcy. 'You know, the one in the Disney movie.'

'That wasn't Disney,' replied Jane automatically. 'It was Fox films.'

'Either way,' said Pepper, 'you look fantastic. And all of Asgard is going to talk about how stunning you are. And about how Freyja's outdone herself.'

'I had lots to work with,' said Freyja. 'It's nearly time for dinner. We'll go see Frigga – who will love your outfit, Lady Jane – and then go down to stun the plebs.'  
~~  
The boys had watched their womenfolk be spirited away by the resident goddess of love and beauty in almost stunned silence. Predictably, it was Tony who broke the spell.

'She'd better not put Pepper in anything that might hurt the baby,' said Tony.

'I don't think she would,' said Bruce. 'She seems like the sort who is hyperattentive to those sorts of things.'

'I pity whoever winds up with Natasha,' said Clint. 'She doesn't like makeovers much. Someone tried it on her once before; it wasn't pretty.'

'I'll believe that,' said Tony.

'Friends, perhaps we could go to our training courts for a while,' suggested Thor. 'I am sure that none would be adverse to some exercise before dinner.'

'Not in the slightest,' said Steve. Thor gave a great booming laugh and led them through a maze of hallways until they reached a green door with a skull, serpent and wolf in a triangle around an open hand on it. Thor knocked.

Loki opened the door. 'Escorting me to my execution so soon, Thor?'

'I simply wished to see if you would join us for some exercise,' said Thor. 'I worry that you spend too much time in here, brother.'

'I worry that you do not spend enough time training your brain,' said Loki acidly. 'I imagine that it is a great disappointment to Odin. Give me a moment; I shall come with you.'

The door closed firmly, and the group waited in the hallway. Five minutes later, the door opened again, and Loki emerged without the overrobe he had been wearing before. Thor beamed at him and the group set off again.

Thor led the group through the halls. Behind him, Volstagg had taken charge of Steve and was discussing – of all things – food in the military. Fandral was attempting to tease Clint about Natasha, with help from Tony, and Bruce was turning pinker and pinker as the comments got more and more ribald. Funnily, Clint wasn't too fazed by any of this. Erik valiantly attempted to distract Bruce with questions about his work. At the back of the group, silent Hogan walked with Loki, who was smirking madly as he eavesdropped on the conversations happening in front of him.

The training yard was a large square courtyard with an eight-foot wall separating it from, on one side, a garden, and on the other, a stable yard. Loki climbed up the wall on the stable yard side and perched there. Hogan clambered up after him and sat a good five feet away from the troubled prince. Thor and Volstagg immediately began fighting, swinging their massive fists at each other and landing devastating blows. Falderal, mistakenly thinking that Steve would be an easy opponent, invited the Captain to spar. Clint perched on the garden-side wall and refereed the two matches, calling out suggestions for improvement when he felt they were necessary. Erik sat on the ground below and to one side of him, watching the fights.

Tony and Bruce, bored by the displays of machismo, parked themselves in a corner to discuss their thoughts on their current experiment, which was still in the theoretical stages. Their intense conversation was not overlooked by Loki. After a while of watching and trying to listen in without moving, Loki jumped off the wall and made his way over to the only other really brilliant people in the area.

'So, Mr Stark, what is it that you and the good Doctor have been furtively discussing for the past hour?' Tony looked reluctant to share with the megalomaniac who attempted to destroy his city. 'Oh please, I am completely bored by Asgard, it no longer offers me any challenge, I'm not going to use your invention to take over any world.' Bruce looked to Tony to make sure he was allowed to explain their experiment with Loki.

'We're trying to figure out a way to do long-range teleportation but we simply can't get the practical application to work out.'

'Oh that,' said Loki dismissively. 'That's easy. For me, anyway.'

'Really,' said Tony, 'and for the rest of us mere mortals?'

'Probably significantly more difficult,' said Loki. 'When I need to teleport, or travel between dimensions without Heimdall knowing, I set up a wormhole. There's one just outside the treasure room that leads both to my rooms and to Jotenheim. Which is under construction. Part of my punishment for the Midgard incident.'

'So they're actually punishing you for that,' said Bruce. 'No one mentioned it to us.'

'I assure you, my punishment is draining and difficult,' said Loki. 'Rebuilding the Bifrost and repairing the damage to Yggdrasil is much more delicate and exhausting than they sound. Especially with a small council sitting nearby, watching and demanding I explain every little thing I do.'

'We know what you mean,' said Bruce sympathetically. 'We deal with the CIA. It's a headache trying to explain experiments and inventions to people who have no appreciation for the work itself.'

'Thank God Fury just nods, pretends he understands and carries on,' said Tony. 'He's good about just letting us do our own thing, as long as we show up to save the world.'

'I very much wish that Odin was like that,' said Loki wistfully. 'Not completely understanding, but supportive and interested in the world I have shaped for myself.'

'Well, my dad wasn't the greatest father ever either,' said Tony. 'He spent more time with Steve than with me. But, he did give me the tools I'd need to take care of myself.'

'Odin let you find out who you are,' said Bruce. 'That's a blessing, really.'

'I suppose it is,' said Loki thoughtfully. 'At any rate, come by my rooms tomorrow after breakfast, and I'll lend you my notes on wormholes and moving in the space/time continuum.'

'Why not after dinner?' asked Bruce.

'Dinners here tend to go on from six until two in the morning,' said Loki. 'By the time we'll be allowed to leave, I shall very much want to sleep. And I need to find my notes, though I'm fairly sure I kept them. They're probably somewhere very safe in my library. Or Hel took them the last time she was here.'

'Riiiiiiight,' said Tony. 'So, meet up at your place after breakfast? Sounds like a plan.'

'What are you three up to?' Steve called across the yard.

'We're just chatting,' said Bruce.

'A nice little conversation among geniuses,' said Tony. 'No worries, we'll explain it to you when we know what we're doing.'

Steve nodded. This was Stark standard. If it was important, they'd know when Tony wanted them to, and not before.

'Loki,' said Thor with a mischievous little smile, 'are you making friends?'

'I won't rule it out,' said Loki dryly.

Thor's face lit up with pure joy. 'I am pleased for you, brother. Perhaps having friends will ease your loneliness somewhat.'

'Perhaps being married will cause you to grow up,' retorted Loki. 'All of Asgard shall be pleased by that.'

'It will be supper soon,' said Hogan, causing everyone to jump a bit.

'Very true Hogan,' said Falderal. 'I propose that we all go inside and get cleaned up, and meet in Thor's quarters before dinner.'

'A worthy suggestion,' said Thor.

'I think we'll need help finding our rooms,' said Bruce.

'We'll show you!' said Volstagg. The Warriors Three surrounded their Midgardian guests and ushered them off. Thor turned to Loki, still beaming.

'It's good to see you interacting with the world again, brother,' said Thor. 'It truly is.'

'I'm sure,' said Loki. 'Stop grinning at me, you look like an idiot!'

'You've often said that I'm the idiot of the family,' said Thor amiably.

'That doesn't mean you have to look the part,' snapped Loki. He sighed and buried his face in his hands. 'Sorry. Do you mind if I skip the pre-dinner get together? I need some space, and I need to check something.'

'Take the time you need,' said Thor solemnly, clapping a hand on Loki's shoulder. 'I'll see you at dinner.'

When the men reconvened in Thor's rooms a few hours later, they looked very different. Their Midgardian clothes had been taken by the very helpful maids sent to help them with their baths. Steve was not the only one uncomfortable with this. They had instead been given brown or beige pants, black leather boots and a shirt and tunic combination. Erik was in grey and white; Steve was in blue and white; Tony looked sharp in dark grey and crimson; Bruce wore purple and cream. Overall, they looked wonderful to Thor.

'I feel like I'm wearing a dress,' was Tony's first comment.

'I think I saw something like this in a historical movie,' muttered Bruce.

'It's wonderfully traditional,' said Erik cheerfully. 'And surprisingly comfortable.'

'It beats spandex and Kevlar,' agreed Steve.

'Well, let's hope that Tony and I can behave ourselves,' said Bruce pragmatically. 'We seem to do the most damage to our clothes.'

'I am very glad that the outfits please you,' said Thor.

'My, don't we all look dashing,' said Fanderal as he waltzed through the door, baby blue cape swirling around him.

'No Loki?' asked Volstagg. 'He is far too skinny to be missing meals!'

'He will be at dinner,' Thor assured him. 'He had to attend to his responsibilities, and thus could not join us prior to the feast.'

'It's nice, knowing that he can be responsible,' said Fanderal.

'He made it pretty clear that he was responsible for invading Earth,' said Tony. 'And killing people, and generally being destructive.'

'You forgot to mention the damages to your penthouse,' said Steve.

'That was mostly me,' said Bruce sheepishly.

'Pepper and I wanted to redecorate,' shrugged Tony. 'Our interior designer and contractor nearly went ballistic when they realized how big the job was. So we went on vacation to Aruba for a month, and when we came back it was all fixed up and ready to live in again. No long term damage.'

'That is good news,' said Thor. The door opened again, and Odin entered. 'Father, this is a surprise.'

'It shouldn't be,' said Odin. 'Freya wanted a ladies-only audience with Frigga, and who am I to deny her? Though I fear we should get ourselves down to the feasting hall, else our ladies may be offended that there is no one to admire them when they come down, and they may very well eat all the food.'

'A tragedy!' said Volstagg.

'We must go down and make sure they have an audience!' said Fanderal. The two men left at a brisk jog, Hogan following them with a roll of his eyes.

'Hogan shall keep them out of too much trouble,' said Thor. 'We need not fear for the food or reflective surfaces.'

'Small blessings,' muttered Odin. 'We'd best go down. I want to see what Freyja has done to your little mortal girlfriend.'

'I am sure she has done her best,' said Thor. The rest of the walk was almost silent. The visiting Midgardians weren't comfortable with the AllFather, and Thor was too tense to attempt to put them at ease. Unsurprisingly, the tension was broken by the appearance of Loki.

'There you are,' said Thor. 'I was beginning to wonder if you were coming after all.'

'I don't dare insult anyone by not attending,' said Loki. 'Good evening, King Odin. You seem well.'

'I am very well rested,' said Odin blandly.

'Excellent,' said Loki.

'How did your errands go?' asked Thor.

'Very well,' said Loki. 'I called Hel back, since you interrupted that call, and she's doing fine. She doesn't have my wormhole notes, by the way, so they're here. I checked on Fenrir as well. He hasn't been sleeping well lately, but beyond that he's just fine. And I did begin looking for my wormhole notes. I also found some of my other research that you two might be interested in.'

'We'll have a look at it, if that's alright,' said Tony. 'So, what's the deal with dinner?'

'Eat as much as you can,' said Loki.

'Drink as much as you can,' said Thor.

'Try not to vomit on anyone,' said Odin.

'Great rules,' said Bruce.

'Will you get in here?' demanded Falderal from the doorway to the hall. 'The ladies will be here any moment! Er, good evening, AllFather.'

'Good evening,' replied Odin. 'Are you abusing my decorative shields again?'

'No, AllFather,' said Fanderal. 'Just making sure that they are shined properly.'

'The girls are here,' said Clint, drawing everyone away from Fanderal and the mirror-bright shields. Gold-clad Frigga led the party into the hall, followed by an unreasonably pleased-looking Freya in sky blue, arm in arm Pepper in turquoise and Darcy in plum. Natasha, predictably, was wearing a blood-red dress that hugged all her curves. Sif contrasted her in moss-green. And then there was Jane.

Jane looked like she belonged in the shining city. She looked like she belonged in this company of gods and superbeings. She most certainly did not look like a storm chasing scientist who drove RVs into tornados and slept under the stars when the rest of the world was too much. She looked like a queen.

'Pick your jaw up off the floor, Tony,' said Pepper. 'I don't look that good.'

'You look amazing,' said Tony, wrapping his arm around his wife's waist. 'More amazing than usual, which is quite the feat.'

'And you've been talking to Asgardians too long,' said Pepper. 'Your speech patterns are getting messed up.'

'I'll fix it when I get home,' said Tony.

'Let the feast begin!' announced Odin.

The feast began well enough. Loki kept the scientist/inventor section of the table entertained with stories of experiments gone wrong – like the week he accidentally turned Thor into a woman – and encouraged the sharing of other embarrassing moments. Freya attempted to match Natasha up with every eligible man in the room. When that failed, she tried the eligible women and the married men. Frigga eventually put a stop to it by reminding her that after Thor, it was her turn to marry, prompting tears and an emergency counseling session run by Pepper. Sometime around midnight, Fanderal said something stupid and Sif threw a roll at him. It missed and hit Clint, who extracted his tongue from Darcy's throat and flung a chicken leg at Sif, who ducked. It hit Natasha squarely between her shoulder blades. Food began flying all around the room. Poor Volstagg valiantly attempted to catch all of it in his mouth.

As Loki predicted, the party died down around two. And as Loki predicted, by the time the feast was over, the visiting Midgardians were too tired to do anything but sleep.  
~~  
Breakfast came far too early for the humans who weren't used to being sleepless. Natasha and Clint were perfectly functional, even going so far as to look well-rested and refreshed. Jane was also wide awake and disgustingly cheerful, much to the annoyance of her assistant.

'How the hell are you doing it?' grumbled a very grouchy Darcy as she hunted for marmalade in the assortment of spreads on the table.

'Doing what?' asked Jane.

'Being so perky so early!' said Darcy. 'It's completely unfair.'

'I didn't drink as much as you,' said Jane. 'And I'm pretty used to staying up all night to watch meteor showers and stargaze, and then go to class first thing in the morning. Marmalade's over here.'

'Thanks,' said Darcy. She began to smother her toast with it.

'So, Widow, where is your other half?' enquired Thor.

'My what?' said Natasha, her voice dangerously pleasant.

'The esteemed Dr Banner,' said Steve, oblivious to the hidden threat in her voice. 'He hasn't come down yet. Neither has Tony.'

'They're having breakfast with Loki,' said Pepper brusquely. 'Something about a scientific conference. I stopped listening at that point.'

'Natasha hasn't told Bruce yet,' teased Clint.

'Dare you to do it,' said Darcy with a little smirk.

'I'll take that dare,' said Natasha. 'See if I don't.'

Bruce, Tony and Loki emerged for dinner, which was another all-night affair that left the visitors groggy and irritable the next morning. When Bruce asked about the banquets, Thor and his Asgardian friends nearly collapsed laughing. Loki was left to explain.

'The first banquet was a welcoming banquet,' said the Trickster in a pained voice. 'Last night was in honour of Lady Jane. Tonight's banquet will be to honour Thor and Jane's wedding. Tomorrow's banquet will be in honour of the impending baby Stark, and yes this is traditional. The day after tomorrow, there will be a banquet celebrating me making friends of my own volition. The day after that, if I'm not mistaken, there will be one celebrating Natasha's quest. And the day after that, if we're lucky, will be the farewell feast. The morning after which, you can all go home and this circus can come to an end.'

'And if we're not lucky?' asked Steve.

'Then we could very well be feasting for all eternity,' said Loki. 'For pity's sake, stop giving Frigga reasons to throw parties so we can all rest!'

'We'll do our best,' said Tony. 'No promises, though.'

'So, Jane,' said Pepper, 'have you and Thor decided where you'll be living?'

'No,' said Jane, startled. 'We haven't even talked about it. I'll have to do that soon.'

'Whatever you decide will probably cause another feast,' observed Tony. 'And I'm starting to wonder where all the food is coming from.'

'State secret,' said Thor. 'I'm afraid I can't tell you.'

Five nights of feasting, groggy mornings-after, and scientists making explosions and commandeering smithies and libraries, the Midgardians made their way back down the rainbow bridge to the connection point. Heimdall waited for them, mild concern and vague amusement glittering in his gold eyes.

'Well, this has been fun,' said Tony. 'Maybe we'll do it again someday.'

'Not near-future, though,' Steve added hastily. 'I think we've all had enough feasts for a while. Definitely a memorable experience.'

'I've decided on the new décor for the penthouse,' Pepper announced. 'You guys have been so helpful. I feel inspired!'

'Don't take on too much,' cautioned Freyja.

'I won't,' Pepper assured her. 'Our interior designer's team is very good.'

'I hate to ask,' said Erik, 'but why is Loki muttering to the bridge?'

'He's a perfectionist,' said Sif, rolling her eyes. 'On our way back, he's going to go over every inch of the bridge, looking for weaknesses and faults. Just so he can fix them. He takes his projects very seriously.'

'And always has,' said Hogan. Sif gave him an odd look.

'That's the second time you've spoken this week,' said Sif. 'Are you alright?'

Hogan nodded.

'You must visit,' said Fanderal insistently to Natasha. 'I feel that I barely got to know you at all this trip.'

'Let's keep it that way,' said Natasha. 'I've got bigger fish to fry.'

'It's been really great, meeting all of you,' said Darcy. 'We'll probably be in New Mexico, so if you're passing through, come shake up the monotony of watching machines make scribbles.'

'Will do,' promised Volstagg.

'What are you two doing?' asked Jane.

'A headcount,' said Clint absently, scanning the group. 'Everyone seems to be here, Natasha. We can go home now.'

'Who'd have thought that either of us would ever call a place home?' said Natasha as she pulled Bruce and Steve – being obvious is bad for her – into the gold dome that would take them home. Clint and Darcy followed them, to chaperone them, and Erik tripped in after them. Heimdall went to begin preparing the Bifrost for transport.

Thor walked over to Loki, who was inspecting an infinitely small scratch on the surface of the bridge. Thor said softly, 'Farewell, Loki. I wish you all the best with your tasks, and with your future.'

'Same to you,' said Loki. 'Enjoy Earth, and take care of it. It's a pretty place, when it's not being attacked by psychotic gods.'

'That it is,' agreed Thor.

'I meant to ask,' said Jane, 'how did you find out about the wedding?'

'Oh, that,' said Loki with a little laugh. 'I was eavesdropping, I'm afraid. I love knowing secrets, and this one was too precious to keep to myself. Forgive me for the practical joke. I've always wanted to be part of your wedding.'

'It turned out well,' said Thor. 'So thank you, brother, for this gift of merriment that you have given all of us this week. It will not be forgotten.'

'I'd almost forgotten how fun it is to laugh with people instead of at them,' said Loki. 'Perhaps I shall continue with this project, and see where it takes me. Travel safe.'

'Jane,' said Thor, offering her an arm. 'Shall we enter?'

'Of course,' said Jane. 'I'm going to need to check my emails when I get back. There's going to be hundreds.'

'Come on Tony,' said Pepper, tugging her husband's arm. 'I also have paperwork to catch up on. My desk would be buried in it, if it wasn't all digital.'

'Home sounds great,' said Tony. 'Is anybody else craving shwarma?'

**Author's Note:**

> A teeny note from glassfacet: if you're ever in Toronto and you want a shwarma, head to Johnny's Shwarma on Kennedy Road. Bit of a trip from the city center, but so totally worth it. While you're there, try the samosas. They're very good.


End file.
